So, I was watching this film today.
And it occurred to me I didn’t like the sad scenes.
The scenes that made my heart beat faster and my eyes clouded.
The scenes that broke my strong resolve to never break down ever again.
But that’s not the scariest bit…
What scared me was the fact that I could feel the pain.
AGAIN.
I had stopped feeling pain a long time ago.
Gotten used to it actually.
And I was afraid,
Afraid that I was becoming capable of it again.
Scared that if anything broke me again I would not be able to take it.
For a moment there I stopped to wonder..when did it start?
I’m talking about the healing.
…it had to be when I started therapy.
Or was it when I stopped?
Because when I started it was more chaos than healing.
It was more running away than getting composed.
And now here I am.
Scared of being healed.
Scared of being able to feel again.
Let’s just hope nothing breaks me ever again.
Because I’m not sure I’d be able to take another one of those falls…
And I sure I do not want to start all over again. 🍂🐾
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